Reflections re: Utter Dependence on my Heavenly Father

“Though I am weak, I walk in the strength of utter dependence.” -Lysa TerKeurst

The above statement has seemed to become my mantra lately. Between hormonal shifts, stressful life events, adapting to many new circumstances and expectation changes at once, and not to mention my tendencies toward depression and anxiety, I am often left feeling utterly helpless.

I had been taught from early on, (not with words, but just as powerfully-taught), that I was not to be an inconvenience. I was to take care of myself, (unless my caregiver felt on a certain day like taking care of me). I have never thought of being needy or dependent as a “strength.”

Society preaches the opposite sentiment. Women especially are expected to be "self-relient and strong." The feminist movement was pioneered by women who wanted to show that they were strong and powerful. However, now that I think about it, it takes a certain strength, or courage more like, to be willing to admit to utter dependence, even utter dependence on God. God knows that, and I believe that is why he spends so much time drawing us to Him, urging us to lay down our guards and accept His help.

An illustration of my need for utter dependence on God in all areas of my life happened just earlier today. I said some idle words at work today, and these words sparked some hurt in a coworker. I immediately felt chastened, and found myself praying on my way home from work, “Set a guart over my mouth, Lord.”

I find that I struggle more with these “little” sins when God is trying to do a big thing. Satan knows my buttons, my weaknesses, and he is more than thrilled to capitalize on them…More often than not, I take his bait, and find myself with the choice of either trying to hide my sinfulness, (trying to to clothe myself with fig leaves, so to speak), or running into the arms of my Abba Father, to confess, and ask forgiveness.

I know I must pursue His forgiveness, and fall into the arms of my Heavenly Father, because there is too much at stake in the lives of those around me, to turn away and hide from God. Satan wants my sin to render me ineffectual for Spiritual battle. He doesn't want me to be able to contend for my family, my friends, my community. He doesn't want me to find strength and comfort from my compassionate Heavenly Father. He would rather that I be bogged down by condemnation, fear, anxiety, or any other similar obstacle he can throw in my path.

So, on that note, I will close with the same quote I started with:

“Though I am weak, I walk in the strength of utter dependence.” -Lysa TerKeurst