05/12/09
Today, I read a Devotional from T Suzanne Eller, with Proverbs 31 Ministries, titled, "What's your story?" She encourages every woman reading to see that they each have a unique story to tell. I went to her blog next, and she offered an entry into a drawing, for anyone willing to share a small part of her story. I started writing, not knowing what was going to be said. I ended up sharing a lot more than I bargained for, but could not bring myself to erase it, even if I knew I was "preaching to myself." In the process of writing, I felt the same comfort I was meaning to convey to someone who may be reading. Here it is--uncut, unedited.
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Hi there.
Thank you for your encouragement to see each life event as a potential learning experience and story. Right now, my experience includes a relapse of depression, and it is really a struggle.
I have had a life filled with blessings, challenges, learning experiences, embarassing moments, moments of great fun, and times that are side-splittingly funny. Some wise person once said that “He who can laugh at himself will never cease to be amused!”
I have also had times of intense pain, heartache, fear, anxiety and depression. I have had times where others told me that Christians should not feel depressed. It made me feel such shame. I became anxious about being anxious, so to speak–judging and condemning myself in my struggle, instead of allowing God to take my hand and walk through the dark time with me.
I don’t share this so you can feel sorry for me. I share this because I know that there are other Christians out there that struggle with depression, and feel they must either pull themselves together, or struggle alone.
I also know that Jesus himself felt a plethora of emotions while here on earth. He had times of laughter, times of sadness (as that little oft’-quoted verse says, “Jesus wept”), and that in the Garden of Gethsemene, he was so deeply-troubled that he sweated drops of blood in his distress. He felt human emotions, but did not sin. He was also not afraid to pour out his heart to God, pleading before his betrayal, “If there is any way, take this cup from me.” We all know that he submitted to God’s will, but his humanness dreaded going to the Cross, knowing that God Himself would have to turn His back, as Jesus carried the sins of the entire earth on his shoulders.
As humans, we will experience a plethora of emotions also, but because of what Christ Jesus did on the Cross, we will never have the ultimate anguish of God turning our backs on us. He is there–He already knows what you are feeling, so share it with him. Pour it out to Him. You can’t shock Him. You can’t make Him not love you. You can’t make him turn His back on you and leave you. He is there. He is love. He is the peace you long for.
Wow! I’ve said a lot more than I intended to say! Have a blessed week!
gallerhea
gallerhea@yahoo.com
